I'm very sorry i haven't really talked to any of you at all for the past few months. I've been going through alot lately. The thing is that I'm going to have to repeat my freshman year due to being in the Hospital and missing so much school due to being sick.

But what's affecting me the most right now is the fact that My Aunt Tina Marsh, my Mom's elder sister, died of Cancer on Tuesday June 16th. I cried when i was first told and was comforted by my friend Braden(she's a girl btw) who was helping me clean up the glass from the large picture that my two yellow Labs, Atticus(6months) and Bud(8years) knocked down because i stupidly put it in front of the entrance to the family room to keep them out while we played Kingdom Hearts.

So my Dad and I toke two flights to Texas and the entire time we just felt numb. But during the second flight something strange to my Dad on our second flight. As we were flyng over the boarder of Texas my Dad suddenly jumped in his seat and looked a little startled. I just brushed it off at the time. but when we got to my aunts house at around 10 pm and met up with my Mom, my Grandma, and my Cousin Clay ( My Older brother Sean had not arrived and My other cousin, Zeke, was out with his friends)i found out that My Dad had heard Aunt Tina say his name loudly. My mentally ill cousin Clay Joked and said "She was there~ checking you in at the boarder~!"

I also had an experience later on. It was about one in the morning and we were all getting ready for bed. At the Time it was just me and my Mom in the house (My grandmother was sleeping in the guest house, Sean and Clay had taken the car Dad rented without permission, Dad was furiously waiting infront of the house, and Zeke was still not back yet.) and Mom was in the bathroom and i was in the living room. I had gotten up and was heading towards the kitchen when halfway there i heard a voice softly call my name.

I instanly replied "Yeah?" automatically think my Mom was calling me from the bathroom. But then the logical part started thinking "wait, Mom's voice isn't that soft and it wouldn't sound distant since i'm right next to the bathroom......" A lttle bit spooked, i went to the bathroom door and asked my mom if she had called my name. She said that she hadn't. when she said this i was thinking 'I know I heard someone say my name. it sort of sounded like it came from one of...the bedrooms' I recalled that Tina had Died in the house and her room was between the Kitchen and Zeke's room. I told my mom that I heard Tina say my name. She just looked at me and said that maybe Dad's experience got to me.

But I know what I heard.

anyway, the Memorial Service was the next day and OH MY GOD sooooo many people came. From what my Mom had told me I knew Tina was a very loved, be i honestly didn't expect so many people. but i won't bore you with the details of every thing. just that it was a nice informal Service. We all laughed and Cried. I remember near the end they started playing some songs that My Aunt sang(My Aunt Tina was a well known Jazz singer in Austin) i just had to get some air so i stepped out for a few minutes and then came back for the ending of the last song.

jumping ahead to the present now, we've been back home for about two weeks and my Mom s still greiving and i've been comforting her. of course I've been grieving too but my Mom's the one who's been effected to most by this.

She's been telling me how alike Tina and I are. It nice to hear but it sort of hurts because now everytime i look in the mirror i feel a wave of sadness because, even though i look alot like my Mom, I have Tina's wide,almond shaped eyes and they make me look alot like her.

The song i'm listening to sort of specks about Aunt Tina's Death because She was getting weaker and weak and she was suffing as she was dieing from this Cancer. You have to hear the song to know what i mean.

Here's a link to the video [link]
if the Link doesn't work the go to youtube and type in Chihiro Onitsuke Infection and clicked on the video titled " Chihiro Onitsuka Infection PV [subbed]

*sigh* i really need to get that out.
thank you to anyone who bothered reading this

Chiyoko0301